Frozen Soul
by ice shredder
Summary: He prided himself living a life with no regrets. But that didn't stop Petra's death from feeling like one. Rivetra one-shot. Enjoy!


**Title: Frozen Soul**

 **Fandom: SnK (Attack on Titan)**

 **Author: ice shredder**

 **Spoilers: Episode 21 "Crushing Blow"**

 **Pairings: Onesided Rivetra.**

 **Disclaimer: Not mine, just borrowing for fun.**

 **Summary: He prided himself living a life with no regrets. But that didn't stop Petra's death from feeling like one.**

Levi soundlessly glided through the foilage of the massive trees steel eyes alert. The only noises breaking the eerie silence was the sharp snap of his 3DMG's grappling hooks.

 _I don't like this. It's far too quiet._ Birds weren't chirping. No wildlife could be seen on the forest floor. Even the breeze felt subdued in the wake of Eren and the Female Titan's rampage. Speaking of which...what caused the brat to go Titan anyway? He'd promised he would trust his team and did so reluctantly under Petra's insistence...but maybe that's where things started to go wrong.

 _Petra._ Just the thought of the young woman being in mortal danger caused Levi to thrust off the next set of trees with more force than necessary.

A vague human shape hove into view, dangling upside down by the cables of his 3DMG gear, clearly dead. Levi felt his heart squeeze as his momentum drew him alongside it.

Gunther. Dead. Nape deeply slashed, eyes wide and staring. Mouth frozen in shock.

Levi forced himself to fire his cables at the next tree, stomach roiling at the sight of his friend killed like a titan. _No. Please. Tell me this isn't happening again._ It was too late to save Gunther but maybe the other three had more luck dealing with the Female Titan. Yes, the other four members could handle themselves in a fight with normal and abnormal Titans. But Gunther's corpse made it clear this monster was on an entirely different level. One the Scouts had been woefully prepared to handle, as the high body count attested to.

 _This whole operation's been a disaster since we left town. Now what?_ _Petra,_ he thought as he used years of hard-won, bitter experience to clamp down on his rising panic. _Oh God. Please be alright. For me._ As soon as this excursion was over he'd propose to her. Then after arranging the wedding plans and date with her parents, he'd make their relationship public.

But they needed to survive this mission first.

Not far from where he discovered Gunther's severed body Levi was hit with the sickening stench of freshly spilled blood approaching a small clearing in the trees. His pulse hammered in his ears as he flew over where Eld lay face up bitten in half by the Female Titan. Auruo was next, lying in two pieces where he'd been brutally kicked, disbelief etched permanently on his rapidly cooling face. Levi glided through the air suspended by his wires in a daze. It was his first expedition all over again, but with different people.

 _Isabel's drenched severed head stared blankly up at him in the mud, the rest of her body already devoured. He turned his stunned, horrified gaze to meet the glowing red orbs of the demonic Abnormal who grinned at him before spitting Farlan's half-eaten corpse onto the muddy, trampled earth. He stared at it for a few shocked seconds. Then a red mist descended over his vision and he found himself cutting up every inch of the Titan's disgusting body. Howling like a man posessed as his blades whirled faster than the eye could see, not giving the ugly bastard who destroyed the closest thing to family he had, a chance to react._

 _Even when he decimated the monster's gigantic hand and cycled up its arm before finally delivering the killing blow, it still didn't change the outcome. His closest friends were gone. In those awful moments after returning back from his first mission, he realized he was better off becoming a loner._

 _He couldn't get hurt if he shut off his emotions and walled off his heart._

His stoic mask gave no hint to the outside world a glimpse of the soul-numbing dread welling in his chest. _No! Eld...Oluo not you too...oh God...please...spare Petra...let her be alive...please, please, please..._

But as he rounded the curve of another tree and perched on its massive trunk his prayer went unanswered.

Petra's horribly crushed body rested aganst the rough bark, blank hazel eyes staring up at nothing. The bright, joyful light that had lit them was gone. Snuffed out in an instant by a traitor's oversized Titan foot. Blood dappled her cheek and hair, eerily graceful in stark contrast to her unnaturally abused body.

Levi stood there, letting what little warmth he allowed to collect in his soul seep out. Petra was dead. He blinked, resealing his emotions and heart away from any future intrusions. Amazed he bothered to summon the energy for such a basic motion but his entire body felt heavier. Slower. He was filling with ice water and he let it flow through his veins, freezing his blood, his heart, his soul.

It felt good. It was blessedly _numbing._

This was his reward for opening up.

For falling in love.

For craving a breath of happiness.

For making himself _vulnerable._

For wanting to be **human.**

How stupid. How foolish he'd been, thinking he had all the time in the world to declare his feelings.

This was the same soft, yet supple body that had pressed against his during stolen moments between the sheets of his bed after a passionate night of lovemaking.

The same eyes that sparkled when he caught her staring at him when she thought no one else was looking.

The motherly touch she gave to the Jaeger brat should've extended to his own children, dammit.

Once again, the cruel reality of the world he lived in ruthlessly crushed his faint hopes under its merciless heel.

He forced his feet to kick off that trunk and propel to the next one in the direction of Eren's beastlike roaring. Every fiber of his being cried out against leaving her like... _that._ Small. Defenseless.

 _Alone._

But there was nothing he could do.

Once again, he left his comrades behind and just like that traumatic day so many years ago, he'd failed to protect them. Especially _her._ He failed to protect the woman he loved.

He prided himself living a life with no regrets. But that didn't stop Petra's death from feeling like one. His bed would be colder at night. Days would be less brighter without her warmth, her light, her steadying presence at his side.

He'd have to life with the fact he missed his chance forever. And just like when Farlan and Isabel died, he left his heart behind again. Right along with the remaining shreds of his humanity where Petra lay crushed against that tree, her life splashed over its trunk in the middle of the woods.

The horrific aftermath of the 57th Expedition would haunt him for the rest of his life along with the lucky few who survived. It served as a brutal reminder for three things.

Life was short and so very, very fragile.

The world was a cruel, unforgiving place.

And he, Captain Levi Ackerman, had waited too long to express his love to the beautiful, sweet young woman who made his life worth living.

Ice coated his entire world.

 **-end**


End file.
